WAY past my heyday

its really funny working in a bar because if a customer does coke in the toilet i couldn’t care less but if they are a dickhead to me then I’ll just tell security they’re doing coke and security will take their coke and kick them out and i get free coke.

this morning i had the weirdest panic attack when i woke up, i just freaked the fuck out for no reason at all and had to call my mum and now im really embarrassed

my cunt boss made my fave person at work cry today so im writing a 5 star trip advisor review personalised to her and making my friend post it. he is a bully and a sexist and a horrible horrible person.

so after leaving australia and saying to myself i’m never gonna go back….ive just booked a flight back to sydney for the beginning of february

It’s definitely easier for me than it used to be. I mean putting my mind to something, making a plan and thinking “This is what I want” and achieving it quickly, making something good. 

And it’s easier to see my choices now, when before it was like hundreds and thousands of choices like that fig tree quote from the bell jar, now it’s two or three very specific choices.

It would be nice to see ahead and know it will work and know it’s worth it.

I wanna sell big photo prints to rich people for at least £1000 a pop

my boss gave me a bonus, told me i’m doing really well and said i should apply for the bar team leader role in january. but it would mean i’d have to get a car so all my money would go on that and i was planning on leaving in January anyway. and also he’s a horrible person and hates women and he said some really horrible things to me about my favourite person i work with and i stuck up for her but it didnt really help.

anyway i think im just gonna leave in january and lie on my cv for my next job and just say i was a bar team leader.

the only material possessions i need are camera stuff, books (but most i can just put on my ereader), a laptop, clothes, and a few other things like a phone and something to listen to music on.

so like im selling everything else

We drank gin and tonics in your apartment. I quit smoking weeks ago but when you offered me one of course I said yes.
I looked through your magazine and you looked through my prints and we complimented each other.

If I could do it again I would ask which is your favourite, ask for a pencil, sign and number it 1 of 20, and write you a message.

Give you it.

i bumped into somebody i havent seen for years and almost had a thing with once and we vibed big time i just wanna kick it with them theyre totally on my wave length

sometimes i wanna die during the day but usually i keep busy so its not on my mind but even if i’m totally exhausted i’ll get into bed and lie in bed for an hour thinking about how much i wanna die before i fall asleep.

im going to kill myself if this doesn’t work

i want to die but i dont want to go back to the doctors cause then i’ll have to talk to someone